For the past few weeks, I've been dealing with jealousy issues. I am generally a content person happy with the way things are in my life. If not, I do what I can to change the things I am unhappy with.
I was talking to Todd yesterday in the car while going to Akron about my issues lately. I am jealous of a friend of mine. I am jealous of her strong and unwavering faith, her beauty, that she gets to stay at home with her kids, that she HAS kids and shows no signs of ever being frazzled.
I feel that though we are both 30, I am so much less mature than she is. I cant control what comes out of my mouth. I tread water frequently for the things that I say that may possibly offend others. I just feel like a complete failure in comparison.
But I dont know why I compare myself to her and her family. We are two, completely different people with completely different backgrounds. I have an incredible husband who I am so thankful for. Todd and I grew up with parents that loved us and still do to this day. We are both very close to our families, even with my split family. We have a nice house that he has pretty much built from all the remodeling he's done over the past 4 years. We are happy with each other and with our life.
So why am I still a bit jealous?
I still wish first and foremost that my relationship with God were stronger. Everything else, I can deal with and get over. I wont truely be happy until I realize all that I have and work toward what I want from life...including my relationship with God.