Children & Marriage

Lately, Todd and I have been talking about how we believe children should be raised.  For the first time in our 5-year relationship, we have open conversations about children.  For most people, I assume these topics would (should) have been discussed before marriage, but for us, it wasn’t.

I’m not sure what the change of heart is in each of us.  Todd always said that he wanted kids if I wanted children.  Well, I didn’t want children.  Our relationship was so rocky that I couldn’t even imagine having ANOTHER child to deal with (yes, I thought of him as a child.  He acted like one!) 

There has been a huge turn in our relationship together over the past 6 months (maybe when I stopped seeing him as a child?)  I truly, honestly am in love with my husband.  If I started this blog a year and a half ago, it wouldn’t be so lovey-dovey.  No way, no how.  We were just existing with one another.  He wanted out, and so did I.  We were miserable together. 

I’m not sure if marriage is this rough for everyone the first three years, or if it was just us, but I’m glad we went through it.  Yes, we were miserable, and we didn’t come together on a lot of things, but we have just gelled together and we fit so perfectly.  In the beginning, I couldn’t take his corny sarcasm, and now…I am the corny sarcastic one!  If you cant beat ‘em, join ‘em!  We communicate about what is important to us without jumping down one another’s throat.  And because of this, we have been able to see eye-to-eye about children.

We agree on what we would want of our children.  I was surprised when Todd was OK with the fact that I would want to home-school our children.  He was surprisingly OK with me not wanting the children to be involved with the TV (if it were my choice, I’d say get rid of the TV’s all together, but that wont happen with Todd around.)  It was just a back and forth conversation about what we’d like of our children and what we wouldn’t.  It was refreshing and it made me love him that much more knowing that we want the same thing (for the most part.) 

There is still a question about Todd being able to have children and my health, so for now, we will have to continue to talk about what we want and wait.  I want to be out of debt with a bit of an emergency fund, get an “OK” from the doctor, and THEN we can start trying.  If it is God’s will, then we will have children. Otherwise, we are perfectly happy with being with one another (or possibly adopting!)

Dreaming of Labor

I have been thinking alot lately about having children.  I'm not sure what the change in heart has been, but it is definitely a strong one.  I wrote a blog (that will post on November 4th) about some passive thoughts on children.

Last night, I had a dream that I was pregnant and in labor.
I have very vivid dreams, and I remember most of them the next day.
In this dream, I remember the contractions and thinking, "This isnt so bad. I could do this naturally."  Then they got a bit worse, but I still held strong.  However, I woke up before the baby arrived.

Then, I got online this morning and read my best friend from childhood's birthstory of her 2 month old daughter.  Alot of what she described is what I dreamt about!

I decided to take a look to see what my dream could have meant.
So, here goes (from A-Z Dream Dictionary):

To dream that you are laboring, suggests that your goals will take a lot of hard work to accomplish

If you are a woman and dream that you are in labor, indicates your desire to be pregnant and to start a family. To experience or feel labor pains or Braxton Hicks contractions in your dream, indicate the anticipation of hard work ahead. If you are actually pregnant, then the dream serves as a rehearsal for the actual birth. The dream is trying to prepare you for labor and proper breathing.

Just to make myself clear - I am NOT pregnant right now.  So this was NOT a rehearsal of the actual birth.  I DO have alot of goals and I'm sure it will take alot of hard work. 

Have you ever had this type of dream before? 

Are You Planning On Having Children?

Todd and I have been married for 3 1/2 years.  The question we get continuously is whether or not we are planning on having children.  I got this question last week when I went out with our neighbor who is a friend of mine.

As I've mentioned in a previous post, the first 3 years of our marriage was not roses.  Actually, it was pretty much thorns. I didnt know if we'd make it. It is not all from the house, Squiggy, money, the lack of communication either.  There were several other issues that I'd prefer not to discuss.  So, needless to say, I avoided the thought of children.  Why get my hopes up and then things end badly? I didnt want to be another statistic.  I wanted to build a strong relationship with my husband. 

Since Todd and I have gone to counseling and learned alot about what the other needs and how to open our communication, I feel as though I've fallen in love with him all over again.  It is times like this that I feel that we should start a family.  I will be 30 in less than 4 months.  Todd will be 40 in 7 months.  We've talked about children in the past, and for Todd, he can go either way.  If I wanted to have children, he would be more than happy.  If I didnt, he would be perfectly fine.  He says he's always dreamed of having a home, a couple of kids, and a picket fence.  Well, we have the home, we have the picket fence, but no fur-less children.  He struggles with the thought of being "old" when the child would graduate from High School and College.  He also knows about my health background.

In 2005, at the age of 24, I had a stroke.  I have been informed that I would always be at risk when it was time to have children.  Todd has always said that  if having children means I may not be around, he is not interested.  He prefers our life together than a life without me. 

Now, with getting H1N1 last year and getting a blood clot from that, I am on blood thinners.  That being said, I was informed not to get pregnant.  It may lead to miscarriage or deformities. 

So...we are in limbo.
Maybe in another year or so, I can get off of the meds I am on and be truly healhty.  Not only that, I want to enjoy my husband for a little while longer - grow with one another for a little while.  The past 7 months with him have been wonderful.  That sound so odd - married for 3 1/2 years, but the past 7 months have been bliss.  I pray that the rest of our lives will be like this...maybe with the pitter patter of a few extra feet running around though.