As I write this, it is Wednesday, November 10th. Todd texted me yesterday while I was at work about how much he loves and appreciates everything I do. He also mentioned that he wishes he could shower me with gifts and take me on exotic vacations. When I read this, I thought it was sweet, but then I wondered if he really knew me. I am not the type of girl who likes to be showered with gifts or expensive vacations. When he cooks for us, and helps out with the house, THAT is how I feel appreciated and loved.
Then this morning, Wednesday, Todd woke up and was a complete bear (which is a nice term to describe Todd this morning.) He kept asking me questions about his social security card (random!), and his passport, and being organized, etc. I was taking offense to some of what he was saying because I felt like he was accusing me of not being organized enough for him. I still bit my tongue (I’ve learned to keep my mouth shut when he’s on a “rant.”) I knew something was bothering him and he wouldn’t tell me. I tried on several occasions. He kept saying it was because he was tired and he had such a bad day at work yesterday (he has off today and tomorrow.) It is days like today that I feel that I NEED a job to get away from the negativity. I was HAPPILY leaving the house to go to work. I gave him a kiss good-bye and was on my way.
On my way to work, I was praying in the car. I prayed for a lot of things, but Todd came up. After I was done, I was listening to Dave Ramsey’s podcast, and I got a call from none other than Todd. I was surprised, because when he is grumpy and I call him on it, it could be hours before I hear from him. When I picked up the phone, I was a bit on edge because I didn’t know what he would be like. He then explained WHY he was in such a foul mood.
Apparently, my husband has been looking into making additional money by donating plasma or getting extra jobs on his days off so that he could buy me gifts. Apparently, when you donate plasma, you have to provide your social security card (which he does not have – he lost it over 4 years ago, and his SSN is not on our passport.) He was completely freaking out because he couldn’t find a way to do nice things for me.
After he explained all of this to me, I felt like such a fool. He was this way because of ME. Because he feels that he needs to show his affection and appreciation towards me with “things.” Because I handle the finances, he has felt that he cannot ask for money to purchase things for me …and he mentioned it was because I don’t buy things for myself. What types of things was he going to buy for me? Panties, bras, a pair of comfortable shoes that I didn’t get for $2 at the thrift store. Yes…silly little things like this! Have I neglected myself on these items? Not necessarily. I bought myself all new panties last year when I got out of the hospital, but we got this cute little adorable pup that LOVES to gnaw on them, so they now have holes in them. Bras – I refuse to find out what size I am, so I wear ill-fitting bras. I’m guilty of that, and Todd has wanted me to buy some that fit for the past 5 years we’ve been together, but I just don’t see the sense. What I am wearing is fine. Shoes – I have enough shoes. A couple pairs of sneaks, 2 pair of black shoes, 2 pairs of brown shoes…I’m good to go.
So, I informed him that what helps me to see his appreciation is when he cooks dinners for us or plans nice day-trips for us to experience things for the first time together. When he cooks, he always goes all out. Candles, glass of wine, fancy dinner…everything. Also, when he helps to care of the critters and the house. I asked him to take today off from doing any work around the house and to take a day for himself. He works hard enough as it is, I don’t want him to worry or find any other jobs to make more money. We are doing just fine. But it means a lot to me that he has thought about all of this. And it means even more to me that he opened up and told me what was going on.